Big Girl Britches: I'm Not Really an Adult

5. I am legit afraid of being locked up abroad or accidentally leaving my DNA in a public bathroom and being pinned for a crime I didn’t commit. This translates to two things- I watch NatGeo like it’s my job and I’m a forward thinker. Both pretty adulty.

Road Tripping Without Falling: Tips for Travel

5. See how many Molly Ringwald movies that you can name in a single breath. If your kids have no idea who Molly Ringwald is- they automatically lose. This isn’t Upward. She is and will forever be the poster “ginger” of the 80’s and she should be celebrated and revered. Don’t you forget about her. Don’t, don’t, don’t.

The Dark Web of Parenthood

I dared Brighton to eat a dog bone once- I’m not proud. No one prepares you for it, either, or all of the other stuff that comes with the coveted title.  No one talks about the “dark web” of parenting for fear that it will seem like you love your child less resulting it…you guessed it, more guilt.

Let Your {Clean} Freak Flag Fly

I once spent 26 hours vacuumed into a corner. Some kids grew up with no wire hangers, I was raised with no signs of life in the living room. My Dad striped the lawn, my mom striped the carpet- that’s just how it went. Call it a curse, call it a blessing but I have inherited the clean gene, honestly.

That time I was addicted to milkshakes..

You moved up from sidepiece to main. Your Pumpkin Spice Shake is the embodiment of fall! Sip one- I was ready to wear a down vest and head to the nearest corn maze. Sip two- I was like, “Holy pilgrims and Indians, there’s a cornucopia of flavors happening in my mouth right now.” With you, I was 100% plaid and happy.

My 10 Biggest Fashion Regrets

3. A white Tyvek windbreaker before Tyvek was the material of choice for  hazardous waste removal suits and crime scene clean up. To sum it up- an indestructible Glad bag with a zipper that held body heat like a sweat lodge

The VD Guide for Couples {Valentine's Day}

9. Don’t let him get a tattoo of your name. Three microbrews and a shot of tequila might make you think it is a sweet testament of his devotion, but his Mama sure won’t. It will be your fault and next Christmas you’ll get a bag of half empty potpourri and some scrubber sponges from Dollar General. 

That time I broke old habits

The gym. Y'all heard me correctly. I have been going, which means, at the urging of my trainer I took  the ever horrific “before” pictures. Or, as I like to call them the “albino potato muffin that’s been assaulted with a bag of nickels’ pictures. It was actually suggested that I have my husband take said pictures. Insanity.

That time I started writing again...

Greetings! I’m back, ya’ll! I must admit that I was a bit worried that my creative lady juices were beginning to dry up and my quick wit constantly “has a headache”. So, I decided that it was time to do some creative kegels, stop eating cheese and bidding on eBay and start writing again. A lot has happened since we last talked. You might want to grab a beverage, here we go. Stay with me- it gets good.