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That time I was addicted to milkshakes..

That time I was addicted to milkshakes..

I can’t pinpoint exactly when IT began; this one sided love affair. If I had to make a guess, I’d say it’s probably been about 4years; however I have been fighting it for as long as I can remember. I swore I’d never be THAT girl, always exercising my will power while suppressing my selfish desires. But before I knew it I was in too deep; sneaking, even hiding receipts. I would drive to the next town heavily disguised- sometimes two, even three times a week, with only one thing on my mind. The day finally came that I had to admit to myself- I am in love… with milkshakes.

Some people eat their feelings, I drink milkshakes. I am not a fan of ice cream, frozen yogurt or the super creepy ice cream van with a big scary clown face on the side of it that only comes to my neighborhood at night. I might not even mind it if it was like the van in Friday. I have a weird love/hate relationship with milk so the idea that the marriage of these two very things could bring me so much joy is too ironic, don’t ya think? It’s like rain on your wedding day or a free ride, when you’ve already paid {don’t judge, you just sang that}.

Once tuned in to my cold and creamy heart’s desire, I saw the writing on the wall, temptation was everywhere. Arby’s shake of the month, Zaxby’s super shake trio, Baskin Robbins’ 31 precious possibilities and the pièce de résistance, McDonald’s Shamrock Shake, featured in all of its green glory ONLY during the month of March. Oh yeah! I literally sipped my way through three counties. I didn’t care! My secret was out, my hair was down and this girl’s straw was ready for some serious action. If loving them was wrong, I didn’t want to be right.

I was like a fat kid eating cake for the first time. I was drinking bacon milkshakes from Sonic, peach shakes from Chik-fil-a, and Oreo explosions from Krystals. I had ‘em hand spun, hand mixed, with skim milk, extra malt, extra whipped cream on top, 7 cherries,  you name it. Milkshakes were all over my radar, until… that fateful day when I stepped on the scale. Milkshakes were not only freezing my brain and warming my heart but tightening my pants and thickening my waist line. I knew we had to stop seeing each other. I’m not saying we broke up completely, but I decided it was best if we started seeing other food groups.

To this day I still so desperate want to get lucky…and taste the phantom flavor of creamy mint when I see a shamrock. I get an ice cream headache when I pass the marquee at Baskin Robbins advertising a new flavor. We had some good times together. Below are a few highlights of the moments we shared. Thanks for the memories.

That time at Arby’s…Fasten your 4 point safety harness because the Mint Chocolate Shake not only got my motor running but had me  ready to drag race with the next unsuspecting mini van  I encountered at the stop light! With this mint and chocolate swirl shake topped by gently crushed Andes mints in my cup holder, I wasn’t just driving, I was qualifying! The wind blew through my hair, even while I was sitting still. Go ahead and pit now and order yourself a big old sip of winner, you'll be seeing checkered flags all the way to the bottom of your cup, too.

Then there was that other time at Baskin Robbins (possibly my namesake either way, I always felt a special connection). Just butter my butt and call me a biscuit because the Banana Pudding Milkshake is as satisfying as eatin Sunday night supper with 6 Grandmas. The only thing missing is the ham and slaw. This hearty shake was so chock full of bananas that it could make a monkey jealous. If you ever feel the need to eat your feelings, much like I have, do your taste buds a favor and sip on one of these! When you're done you'll have to do 25 jumping jacks and say 5 Hail Mary's because this shake will make a believer out of you. In the words of the great Gwen Stefani- it's bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

I loved our Christmases together…Ho ho hold on to your Yule Logs, Arby's Egg Nog Shake is amazing! One sip and I was ready to bring in the holidays, Griswold style. Its ridiculous creaminess coupled with subtle spice left me wanting to deck the halls of my mouth...with more milkshake. Donner my Blitzen but if loving this shake makes me naughty then take me off the nice list now!

Fall will never be the same, no more afternoon delights…Zaxby’s, you got me again! You moved up from sidepiece to main. Your Pumpkin Spice Shake is the embodiment of fall! Sip one- I was ready to wear a down vest and head to the nearest corn maze. Sip two- I was like, “Holy pilgrims and Indians, there’s a cornucopia of flavors happening in my mouth right now.” With you, I was 100% plaid and happy.

So many feels from my head to my lactose! Now you know more of my secrets and hopefully this paves the milky-way for the rest of you fellow “shakies” to shed your shame and know you are not alone in your quest for the cream. We’ll talk soon!

Robin

 

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